My life right now

My life right now is a little....confusing, I guess is the best word. I feel that I am at a major crossroads in my life. I ended a very long relationship with someone that I loved enough to marry about 6 months ago. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Learning when to let go is hard and if you are anything like me, it makes you doubt. It makes you doubt that you made the right decision, that you really cared for that person and it makes you doubt whether or not you will ever feel whole enough to love someone with that kind of passion and strength again.

We broke up 6 months ago, but it wasn't until a week ago that I finally cut him out of my life... for good. I have been lost without him and his friendship, even though he wasn't even that much of a part of my life anymore. Why is it so hard to let go of those we love? Even when we know it's the best thing for us?

Well, I know that this is a pretty personal entry, but I feel like I need to get it out there and let others know that its okay to be sad sometimes. As long as it doesn't take over our life and turn us into a bitter, upset, cynical person (note to self :) ) then it's okay to be sad for awhile...

The other part of my life that is confusing right now is my career. Do I stay where I am, go somewhere new or further my education? These are the types of decisions that will determine my path and my future, and I guess that is why they are so hard to make, because they effect me in a big way. But, maybe it's not that hard. Maybe its not that decisive. Maybe it doesn't really matter what direction we take or what path we follow, as long as we have the right attitude and are living true and correct principals. This seems to be where I lose it.

I know what I have been taught. I have a testimony. I love the gospel, I love the church, I love my family. I know that my Savior lives and that he loves me. I know that He paid for my sins out of love. He is my advocate with the Father. I know my Father in Heaven is aware of my situation and that He loves me for who I am because he created me. I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. I know that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God. I know that he saw the Father and the Son. I know that they spoke to him and called him by name. I know that President Hinckley is the Lord's mouthpiece and prophet on the earth today. I know that I am unique and wonderful in my own way.

So, if I know all of this... why do I have such a hard time following it? Why is it so hard to make the right decisions? Especially when I know that they are going to bring me happiness? Maybe it is just Satan trying to confuse me. I am sure it is. I just need to remember that when the going gets tough.

Not sure why I chose to post something so personal tonight, but it does feel better to get it out there in the open. Maybe some of you have been through the same things or had the same feelings. I just needed to get some things off my chest. Write again soon...